Transcript
WEBVTT
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well, I'm less of a man since the last time you saw me hey, don't say that, man don't don't talk to yourself.
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I like that not in a sense of masculinity, but they're just.
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There's literally a little less of me oh, isn't there a little less of all of us each week?
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or more depends on how much, how big of a firehouse sub we order, that's true, but there is definitely less of me this week, because I looked underneath the little towel after the doctor left the room I looked in the hemostat there was a little, uh little piece, a little piece of me pinched in that hemostat no way because this week I got the big old uh snip, snooze, snipper rooney.
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And so I'll say, the morning of I was, my palms were a little sweaty, I was a little nervous, I was trying to keep it together, just like it was like catching up all of a sudden it's like, as the moment was approaching, was this the first surgery you'd ever had?
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No, I've had other ones, but the other ones were necessary.
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Like, like you know, like this is just so elective.
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Yeah, you know, that's part of it.
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Just be like you had other ones, but the other ones were necessary.
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Like you know, like this is just so elective.
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Yeah, you know, that's part of it.
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Just be like you know other ones where you have a health issue or complication, or you know an oral surgery, wisdom teeth, that sort of thing.
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It's really not so elective, as you know, when you're just deciding, hey, cut my old B-sack open and snip around in there for a second and it's not going to improve, like my personal, like health, or like make sure I live, or something you know yeah, yeah, it's not something that like helps you forego cancer, or something um but you know, for the, the uneducated, what pat pat is referencing um is a vasectomy, getting his balls and their highway to his wiener ding dong uh blocked permanently.
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It's like the way I always imagined it was, of those aerial views, of those like round, not roundabouts, but those like, uh, right lane mergers onto the highway, you know, and like you take a right exit and it just comes around and then merges onto the next one, yeah, and you just keep shooting forward.
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I always just imagined it from like an aerial view of like, just like c4 detonation, just like ceasing to allow those things to merge.
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It's not wrong because they do dude, they uh, they use flames to get that thing done.
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No way, not truly.
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But I mean yes with a laser beam.
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They cauterize it.
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So wow, so you get in there, you lay down and uh yeah, step by step, walk me through this, all right.
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So, like I said, I had a little bit of sweaty palms prior to.
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Yeah, so let's take a few meds an hour before.
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So I just you know, you know, you take one little diazepam, whatever.
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It makes you a little less anxious, a little relaxed, and you also take hydrocodone or Vicodin or whatever.
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Oh yeah, so I pop those an hour before.
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Bro, they give you Vicodin just to, like, chill you out.
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That's unreal.
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Well, no, no, no you out.
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That's unreal.
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Well, no, the ones to chill you out.
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The other one is for the pain, oh so they give it to you before the pain, before the pain.
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So you just so you get kind of just.
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You get a little bit, a little bit relaxed, you're pretty stoned if you're taking vicodin and it does also the doctor.
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He was like, he was like, um, he's like it's very uh.
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And the doctor's like totally like professional, he's like, he's like, um, it's, it's.
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It's actually really cool how you know how, how the scrotal tissue reacts to Vicodin.
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It relaxes the tissue and allows me to do my work and you're like alright, it allows me to feel less of you touching my scrotal you know what is the scrotum, Because I know people who think it's like part of the shaft and I I've always believed the scrotum was like the tissue that holds the balls.
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Yeah, that's it right, yeah, but at some point, when, does it change?
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Like calves to ankles, exactly.
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If you have a little cankle scrotum going on, what's the Scrotum to shaft to Scrotum Scraft For sure.
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Then there's a clear differentiation on the tip.
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But that's a whole other thing scrotum scraft for sure then there's a clear differentiation on the tip but that's a whole other thing.
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I'm out of my depth on this one, yeah, and out of my length but the um, but anyways.
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So you know you take a few pills before get to the doctor and uh, got there.
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My appointments for 11.
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I got there at 1045, at uh, 1047.
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They call me back there.
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I'm like oh, that's crazy, and got there my appointment's for 11.
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I got there at 10.45.
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At 10.47,.
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They call me back there.
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I'm like, oh, that's crazy.
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On time I was like sitting my butt in the chair like ready to wait 15 minutes.
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I'm like Mr Pat and I'm like oh, right now, like we have to do this.
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Now I was like okay, like I thought I had 15 minutes to kind of calm down, wow, down, but wow, uh.
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So this older lady walks me back there.
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You know, older nurse, she's like all right, you know, um, and she has, like she's holding a razor and then a box of instruments, wow, and I'm just like all right, like did you?
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pre-scape the night before I did, knowing I did I pre-scape mindful thing.
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So I pre-scaped not a very hairy man as it stands, but Sure, sure, but still I took some work upon myself, yeah yeah.
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And then, but I'm like, oh my God, like is this old lady about to shave my balls?
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Like I don't know if I'm ready for that.
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Yes, I.
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Just this is not something I'm particularly.
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I feel like I'd be okay with that, you know, because, like, I feel like I could like with that, you know because, like, I feel like I could like, just like, at that point I mean I wouldn't be okay with it but I guess I could be like it's better you than anyone else yeah and so, anyway, she sets the razor down, sets the utensils down.
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She's like, alright, like you know, date of birth, whatever.
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And then, okay, please disrobe.
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And like she said that, like, as like she also like she said that and then finished the rest of her sentence.
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Yeah, and I was already like pulling my pants down and then she just walked out, but she like, so she turned and left.
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As I was like pulling my pants down, I was realizing like, oh, like she opened the door yeah, but, yeah, but I was also realizing like oh, like I wasn't supposed to get naked in front of you yet.
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Good thing you just turned and left, because I was just dropping trout, right now for you.
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Okay, you know, because I'm confused.
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I bet that happens all the time.
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I bet why she turned so quick.
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Yeah, she's like and please disrobe, and just like walks out.
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I'm just like wait, so what's happening now?
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So the shaving thing?
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I have no idea what's happening now.
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Come back, come back.
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I've only heard stories.
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Aren't you going to shave my balls Exactly?
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Look, am I supposed to do it right now?
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Just dry, just dry shave.
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Yeah, the surgeon comes in there.
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I'm just dry shaving Like sandpaper, oh my God.
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So, anyways, pull my pants down and, as she leaves a second later, knock on the door like come in.
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It's like my, my doctor.
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He's like all right, like go ahead and sit down.
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So it's, this is not in a surgical room, this is in a doctor's office.
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And nuts are out, yeah, and I'm just standing there Like I didn't wear it.
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Nuts out, yeah, and so he comes in and he just like, like, so I sit on like the crinkly paper, but um, so I sit on the crinkly paper and the soft pad from like the 70s, it's on all doctor's benches or whatever.
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Yeah, he's like all right, lay back.
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So he lays me back and then he's like, as I'm laying back, I'm like all right, like kind of getting, like just getting settled, um.
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And what was impressive about this dude is he walked in in a full suit oh wow, like a suit, not a suit, not even like his scrubs on.
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He was wearing a mask, but he was walked in.
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He was just wearing a suit like dress shirt Guy in a mask in a suit came in.
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Yeah, did he have a full head of hair.
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Yes, yeah, this is.
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Christian.
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This is Christian Bale from American Psycho, bro.
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Yeah, that was not a doctor.
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He's just in there to play around with you, exactly, but it did kind of give me some confidence.
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Oh, this guy's just like he's sharp looking.
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I lay back and he starts like he lays me back, brings me up and he kind of starts building like a.
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He puts blankets or like towels, like around my business.
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So it's like, you know, the work area is the only thing exposed, yeah, but as that happens, this young lady walks in.
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I'm like, oh God Right.
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So I'm like, so then I like young, attractive lady, I don't know because I locked it down so hard.
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I will say Hell yeah, I was afraid of getting an erection during this procedure Right.
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I don't know what you know.
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I still don't know what's happening with the razor right now.
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Option one old lady's gone.
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Now I've got a young lady and a guy in a suit.
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He's looking pretty good himself.
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I don't know what's about to happen.
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Oh, I'm a little bit, you know, a little high on this Vicodin.
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I'm just, you know.
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So, anyways, I'm staring at the light bulb like dead, just like burning a hole in my retina.
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And I see she comes in and I like glance at her and she like, I mean like, like, like a 0.000 nanosecond, like glance, like who is that?
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I'm like, oh, like young woman, okay, like staring straight at the ceiling, staring straight at the ceiling, and then I don't even remember what they said.
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They exchanged like two sentences.
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She handed him an instrument and then she left.
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That's like, oh, thank you.
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Like the coast is clear, here we go.
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And she did take this thing and like a big sticker and stick it on my thigh.
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That's what she did.
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So she did approach the thigh area.
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So then I was staring at the light bulb.
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What?
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did the sticker say.
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It was a big metallic sticker with a wire sticking off of it that goes to a box.
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I wonder what that, what it does.
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Me too, I was wondering, too.
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I'm like what is this for?
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Like it grounds you from what it is grounding.
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It does ground you.
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And I was like is this, in case I start like is this a part of, like an AED?
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Like what's about to happen?
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Like how serious is this?
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I don't know.
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So, anyways, she leaves after she sticks a sticker on my thigh.
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Now we're in the clear.
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On the boner alert.
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At least Hold on me.
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Ask this at this point have they put up like a thing to shield you from them, just lifting up, you know, the trunk of your wing and examining what to do?
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No, no, so there's nothing blocking you from seeing them taking like glinting metal objects toward your don't.
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So I can't see my business because I'm laying flat on my back, you know.
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And so with my head back, there's a joke there, but I know no.
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But I wonder what I'm saying is because?
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no, because there is like a part where, like sometimes, like yeah, like you would put a shield up so you can't see it.
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But I could see the instruments, but I can't see my business.
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I would still need something up I would need.
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I can't see them at all I wouldn't be able to see the instruments or them.
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I'd have to be like there's nothing going on down there I.
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I did see a guy.
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What I could see is like man in a suit, putting on gloves and grabbing like a needle and like clearing it.
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And then just like heading down south with it, right, why don't you just pull your?
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shirt over your head.
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I would have been like a pure coward.
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Hey Doc, I'm just going to pull my shirt over my face, oh, OK.
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I guess.
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And so no, this guy was such a pro though he's like um, he talked me through every single thing he was doing and like um, he's like all right, here we're doing this all right, like little, we're gonna all right, we're gonna numb all right.
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There we go like all right, can you feel this?
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Like yeah, a little bit, all right, numb me up some more, all right, and this is gonna be a sting like oh, yeah, yeah, that stings.
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You know whatever, um and then um, and then he's like, and then he kept.
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He was like all right, like I'm gonna find the vaz, like the vaz devrons.
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He's like I'm gonna find it and I'm gonna kill it.
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Like kill it.
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Like that's what he's talking, it's like all right.
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So he's like he's what is the vans, the vaz devrons?
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Is the?
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Is the highway?
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Oh, it's the highway.
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Is the little, the little ramen, noodle it?
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runs up to the to the intersection.
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Yes, um, carries your swimmers to the juice.
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So the swimmers go to the juice.
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The swimmers go to the juice.
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Yeah, the swimmers are people on a bus.
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Yeah, the swimmers live in the juice, and then it all goes where it needs to go.
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Yeah, the swimmers are taking public transportation.
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Exactly.
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And just because you detonate the highway doesn't mean public transportation isn't still running.
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That's true there, just ain't nobody in it there's nobody on.
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And just because you detonate the highway doesn't mean public transportation isn't still running.
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Sure, there just ain't nobody in it.
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There's nobody on the bus At least hopefully.
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Yeah, just got one lone one in there about to ruin the whole make it all not worth it.
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That'd be funny.
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But he's like, yeah, are we going to kill it?
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And he's like, all right, can you feel that I'm like I can still feel that?
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Can you feel that I'm like I can still feel that he's like I'm ready to numb you up more, or else you're going to really feel this next part?
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So he like numbs it up some more.
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And now is each numbing another stinging shot.
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Uh no, after like the first, like every, it progressively got to where, like I could not feel it.
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So he starts with like lefty, so it's one incision where he opens it all up big Like I'm you can get to both sides spreads it batwing yeah, he's, yeah, he's going batwing.
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He went right in the middle seam now he can go both sides and he's um, um, but, and then there's, just like it looks like a humidifier, like a very active humidifier is coming between my legs, just because he's carterizing that thing, oh really, which is what the grounding pad was for.
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Because he just has this thing and he's like he just did a quick, like could you feel that?
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And I was like a little bit.
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And he's carterizing that thing, oh really, which is what the grounding pad was for?
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Because he just has this thing and he's like he just did a quick, like could you feel that?
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And I was like a little bit.
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And he's like all right, numbs you up some more.
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And then he goes full, like All right, and then like does a little more things.
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He's like all right, like time for the other side, my God.
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So yeah, and you can.
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I'll tell you this.
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You can smell it.
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Now, some guys have been very disturbed by it.
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It smells like burnt hair.
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Oh, okay that's all right.
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So it's not that bad.
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But if guys aren't ready for it.
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There's certain guys who have, like they get real freaked out about it.
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Like they're like, I can smell my nuts burning.
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Man, I can smell them.
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I'm like, eh, like it's, you can deal with it, but if you don't know about it's a little surprising.
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So, anyways, moves over to righty, and at this point, like it's all pretty numb, he's like shooting up, he's like numbing even more like.
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So how far has the numbness spread?
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Like is it?
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Is it to the point where you're like I actually can't feel my thighs, I can't feel my?
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knees anymore.
00:13:38.511 --> 00:13:48.505
I would say everything was numb as far as like the only I could feel when he grabbed the string, but I could feel it in my belly butt, yeah, you know, like getting hit in the nuts.
00:13:48.505 --> 00:13:53.250
So I could feel that just like a little tugging, but below that I couldn't feel anything was that as bad as?
00:13:53.530 --> 00:13:53.672
uh?
00:13:53.672 --> 00:13:55.298
He told you it was gonna be.
00:13:55.317 --> 00:13:57.384
I said it went better than he said he like.
00:13:57.384 --> 00:14:05.312
I think during the consult he kind of gives you the like the worst case feeling and I think I also went really smooth because it can be bad for other guys.
00:14:05.312 --> 00:14:07.628
If you can get a, you know it can be.
00:14:07.628 --> 00:14:12.945
It can be a lot of like cartilage or fat, or not cars, but fat around stuff and it's like it's hard to find.
00:14:12.965 --> 00:14:13.847
There's nerves in there.
00:14:13.847 --> 00:14:22.361
They can hit and stuff, and so, anyways, once he's moved on to the right side, now at this point I'm like I'm doing good, I'm fine, and I'm like should I watch?
00:14:22.361 --> 00:14:24.585
Like should I sit up and watch this next part?
00:14:24.585 --> 00:14:29.312
And I wanted so bad to like sit up and watch and I didn't.
00:14:29.312 --> 00:14:31.254
Good, but I really wanted to.
00:14:31.254 --> 00:14:37.043
I was so tempted to and I was like, I think, like because, because I was holding it together so good, I was like let's not ruin a good thing.
00:14:37.043 --> 00:14:37.966
Yeah, I'm doing fine.
00:14:38.025 --> 00:14:39.149
Now let's not look up.
00:14:39.149 --> 00:14:46.740
You just see your shriveled, terrified wiener yeah, and then you see one nut smoking and the other one's getting cut open.
00:14:47.302 --> 00:14:52.082
No way, dude, you're not in a million years disemboweled because at that point I was like, all right, we're fine.